Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Back on my feet, etc.

Back on my feet Backseat driver Back to the drawing board Bad egg Bad mouth

Monday, September 15, 2008

Osteology Class

I prepared for this report. Well it was only 4 hours thinking things will run fine. A big mistake. If there is one realization that I made today, that would be not to rely on cramming. Cramming sucks and only fools rush in. Duh, it sounds like a line in that old familiar song. But honestly, I swear I would never do this again. After what happened with my reporting. I think it wasn't even half of a reporting. It was more of asking. Imagine I was asking my classmates for the facts about my report as I need to identify certain parts of the pelvis.

Yes, my report is all about pelvis. The pelvic girdle. What do I know about the pelvis? Well, let me see. The pelvis is composed of the coxa. Before the coxa is formed, it is first separated into three parts, the innominate bones: the ilium, pubis and ischium. The left and right coxae are attached to the sacrum through the... (I'm hanging, I don't know what comes next!) Apparently, there are many osteological terms that I still need to work on and until then shall I make a good presentation in this class which I badly needed if I am to pass the course this semester. My life depends on this. So I need to work harder.

Now I'm thinking of becoming more serious with all my classes. With the combined power of technology, I can exercise my learning potential. I have always been the experential learner and I need to know at firsthand how things work so I can understand them. Thus, I am going to make blogs for all my important subjects this semester which include:

BC 100 - Introduction to Broadcasting
CR120 - Quantitative Research
Anthro 198 - Osteology
CR 130 - (already exists) Qualitative Research
CR 197 - Communication Campaign Evaluation

It's time to get serious. Really, really serious. Despite all these frustration, there is somethig good that happened today I feel so elated.

After the class in Anthro 198, the Osteology class; after blowing off my report in this class, my professor talked to me and asked me whether I am a medical student. I asked why and he said I seemed to learn fast in the class. I was so surprised because all along I thought I just kept disappointing the professor with my lousy performance in exams and recitations. I felt so happy that he thinks of me this way. I know I can be better in this class and although I only have less than a month to ace the class still I give it my best shot.

By the way, mom told me today that my bank account in BPI already closed. Damn it, it was just a month that I've had a below maintaining balance and still it closed. Now I have to go through all the trouble of opening a new account. Meaning, new papers and ID and all these stuff that make me want to curse the system. But what can I do? It already happened, I just have to live with it.

My Winning Piece in a Speech Contest

Simple Steps
(How to become successful in your academic career)

It’s 3 am. My head is getting dizzy. My hand is shaking and I’m getting nervous. The exams are 5 hours away and I know I’m not prepared. Dawn comes, a rooster cocks and the city springs to life. I dash to my classroom to take that dreaded exam. Faced with a blank paper, I keep telling myself, ‘I know the answers… but why can’t I remember them.’ I didn’t sleep the entire night for this and still I can’t recall the right answers. Then someone suddenly stands, confidently hands in his paper and peacefully walks out of the room. That was the smartest in the class. In the middle of my struggle I wondered how he could be that smart.

Today, allow me to discuss how to become successful in one’s academic career. I will start by pointing out that success is determined not so much by fate, but by the right attitude. Then I will move on to three essential things which constitute this attitude namely- wise use of time, discipline, and humility.

For some, academic career is no career at all. Academics is nothing but part of a stage where a student should pass and forget after going through it. No wonder success becomes as fictitious concept as talking tigers in Korean mythology. Thus, many a student would pride himself with average to passing grades when he can have more. Well becoming successful in one's academic career need not be too complicated nor should it require an IQ on par with Einstein's or Aristotle’s. Becoming successful is a matter of having the right attitude.

Furthermore, let me give three things which I think comprise a right attitude- wise use of time, discipline, and humility.

First, we all know how important time is. Messing with time puts a student through all the hassles imaginable. But handling time carefully and using it as an ally rather than a foe gives the student that much chance to become successful. Punctuality in attending class, submitting requirements on time and meeting deadlines create bliss. Planning ahead for examinations also helps so as to avoid the infamous cramming most soju-lover students adhere to. At the end, the student will be surprised how easy it is to top in his classes and yet have sufficient time for leisure.

Next, discipline. Discipline is another factor that spells out the difference. Isn’t it a wonder how Egyptians built their pyramids, how Plato wrote the Republic, or how Edmund Hillary reached Mt. Everest’s summit? These men all lived in different times but have one thing in common- Discipline. Academic career may or may not be as tough as building pyramids but for sure, there will be times when quitting becomes a tempting path. Discipline to read assigned books little by little until reaching the end; Discipline to memorize lines during free time; And discipline to stay awake at night until scheduled tasks are done give a student easier retention of facts.

Finally, humility. We must admit that we are not genius. Some may be but I bet most of us are average. However, being average does not mean being mediocre. If we admit our inadequacy then we can fill that up. That is to say that, as students we should learn from our professors, classmates, friends, family and all the people around us. If a professor points a mistake, do not be disheartened. Instead feel fortunate because you realize where you should focus more. By doing so, success becomes easier to achieve.

Today I have presented to you the simple steps of becoming successful in one’s academic career. Again, it is the presence of the right attitude that opens doors to success. The wise use of time, discipline and humility are three essential things which define a right attitude. Having all these can amazingly change all things. Only then would I no longer have to stay awake at 3 am knowing that come my exams’ day, I can be that boy who suddenly stood from his chair, confidently handed in his paper and peacefully walked out of that room.

g




TRAVEL | Small dots

There was a time in my life when I would look up in the sky whenever I would hear that familiar whizzing sound of an airplane in the air. I was seven or eight and I would never fail to imagine how it must feel to be inside that little moving dot in the sky. Then I would tell myself that a time will come when I wouldn’t have to imagine at all. I promised myself that I will ride one of those moving dots, go outside the Philippines and finally live my fantasy. At 22, I finally had the chance to be inside one of those dots, but this time, it wasn’t a dot anymore but a huge piece of metal in full scale staring at me straight in the eyes.

Random Ranting

I don't know what is happening but for the past few days, I've been feeling so distraught and hopeless. Perhaps this is just an effect of my phone's zero balance state, perhaps not. There is really no telling but things have not been according to my plan.

I stayed in Korea for nine months to study and it is there that I felt that this world is a beautiful world to live in. Who wouldn’t think this way when everything seems to be perfect. Modernity is working hand in hand with nature and I have been so impressed with how Koreans made it possible. You look at one side and you see sky craping buildings and apartments. Then on the other you see green mountains and seemingly clean and clear water. The vehicles do not emit black smoke and people wait in pedestrian lanes until that traffic signal turns go. Employees in offices wear smile and courteous when you talk to them like you can always approach them if ever youu need anything. You can leave your things on that bench to go to the toilet for a moment and come back to realize that no one touched your things. You can also expect schedules to go on as planned and on the dot, like if your bus ticket says you’ll be arriving in Seoul at ten o’clock then you are guaranteed that it will.

Back in Korea, I thought everything is going to be okay once I get back to my own country. That I have planned everything well. I told myself that I am going to find a good job while studying, find time to relax and enjoy life. But things are just the opposite. I feel so poor now, and all I see is nothing but poverty.

Now that I am back to the land I thought I missed, I am living in a room where I can't even find a decent space for my notebook. I can't eat a decent meal when all I have is 900 pesos which I need to budget for an entire week. Considering that I go to my part time job's office spending 50 pesos for transportation within five days, summing it all, eats 250 leaving me 650. And where will 650 take me? I have to sacrifice breakfast because I won't be able to afford lunch and dinner if I follow a healthy diet. I even half to split lunch so that there will be leftover for dinner. As if that's not enough, I have to force myself to walk all the way to school under the heat of the sun, because additional expense for jeepney rides has no room for the meager budget that I have. And what of all those class fees that I have to pay, required articles that I need to photocopy, and written homework that I have to print? Only God knows how I will be able to deal with all these. And it's only with God that I am pulling enough strength to make it through.

As years go by, life becomes more and more difficult. Gone are the days when all I have in school is ten pesos which I can use to buy a meal plus dessert. Jeepney fare is just fifty cents and I still have something to keep. But now, ten pesos is a joke. Give me that amount and it won't even let me get to the nearest destination I would want to go granting that I need to transfer from one vehicle to another. Prices are soaring way above our capacity and for middle class people like me to cry foul, makes me think what more it could be for people poorer than I am.

This state of our country is not an isolated case. All over the globe, many are suffering and sometimes, their predicament is more serious than we are experiencing. African people have no food to eat compounded by deadly diseases that do not meet proper treatment because there exist no sufficient medical institutions. In Laos and Cambodia, people suffer from hunger not because the prices of food is high but because there is no food at all. It is truly sad that we have to suffer like this. But why can't we do something about.

For the love of humanity, why can't we alleviate this ironic stance that we are presently in? I say ironic because our country should not be like this. We are naturally rich with all the untapped resources that we have. All that we need to do is make a move, do some action. Leave the government alone because we cannot depend on them to solve all the problems that we have. If we think about, the main problem that we are facing is not the lack of opportunities but the lack of a proper attitude.

Take Korea as an example. It used to be a poor country. So much poorer than us fifty years ago. During those times, the people also suffered hunger and poverty, exploitation of human rights had been rampant, and social ills like crime and prostitution were ubiquitous. But people started believing that the only way to solve their problem was if they work hard, actually extra harder. So everybody gave out their best, people studied important majors like engineering and business related courses. Everybody drove the economy forward. During those times, Koreans have gone to other countries too as workers but they did their part, helped the economy perhaps by sending money and ultimately went back to live in their own land to do more for their country. And now, look at them- developed and continually pushing forward competing with European and American economies.

Of course, this is not to say that our country is but a dirt in a paved road. We can also do what others have done. Korea has already proven it, why can't we believe in ourselves and move ahead?

Until then, I would have to dance with the music and accept the fact that I only have 900 pesos for the entire week.

Osteology Class

I prepared for this report. Well it was only 4 hours thinking things will run fine. A big mistake. If there is one realization that I made today, that would be not to rely on cramming. Cramming sucks and only fools rush in. Duh, it sounds like a line in that old familiar song. But honestly, I swear I would never do this again. After what happened with my reporting. I think it wasn't even half of a reporting. It was more of asking. Imagine I was asking my classmates for the facts about my report as I need to identify certain parts of the pelvis.

Yes, my report is all about pelvis. The pelvic girdle. What do I know about the pelvis? Well, let me see. The pelvis is composed of the coxa. Before the coxa is formed, it is first separated into three parts, the innominate bones: the ilium, pubis and ischium. The left and right coxae are attached to the sacrum through the... (I'm hanging, I don't know what comes next!) Apparently, there are many osteological terms that I still need to work on and until then shall I make a good presentation in this class which I badly needed if I am to pass the course this semester. My life depends on this. So I need to work harder.

Now I'm thinking of becoming more serious with all my classes. With the combined power of technology, I can exercise my learning potential. I have always been the experential learner and I need to know at firsthand how things work so I can understand them. Thus, I am going to make blogs for all my important subjects this semester which include:

BC 100 - Introduction to Broadcasting
CR120 - Quantitative Research
Anthro 198 - Osteology
CR 130 - (already exists) Qualitative Research
CR 197 - Communication Campaign Evaluation

It's time to get serious. Really, really serious. Despite all these frustration, there is somethig good that happened today I feel so elated.

After the class in Anthro 198, the Osteology class; after blowing off my report in this class, my professor talked to me and asked me whether I am a medical student. I asked why and he said I seemed to learn fast in the class. I was so surprised because all along I thought I just kept disappointing the professor with my lousy performance in exams and recitations. I felt so happy that he thinks of me this way. I know I can be better in this class and although I only have less than a month to ace the class still I give it my best shot.

By the way, mom told me today that my bank account in BPI already closed. Damn it, it was just a month that I've had a below maintaining balance and still it closed. Now I have to go through all the trouble of opening a new account. Meaning, new papers and ID and all these stuff that make me want to curse the system. But what can I do? It already happened, I just have to live with it.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Folly of Me

I chanced upon this picture from one of my friends' blog and I kind of a remembered how I made a fool out of myself that night. I participated in a dance number and because there wasn't much rehearsal, the dance number became a stand-up comedy.


I am the one on the right side, the second guy standing. I still had flesh here but now, I've grown so thin. Other people present in the picture are: (From L-R) Jobelle, Faith, Honey, Dea, Karen, and Nico.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

The Same Ol' Sunday

Well, what should I expect from this Sunday?

The neighbors as ever are belting it out as they sing from that stupid videoke at the middle of the day like they are the only ones living in the neighborhood. I just hate it. It would have been useful if they have been a liitle more considerate. Oh boy, now I can't study. With all these noise. It makes me so irritated and vexed. I'm so fed with all this crappiness. I hate it. I simply hate neighbors singing. I wish they would shut up the !@#$ up!

I am not usually like this. Ranting like crazy but I just can't help it. If you were in my position, I bet you would wish you can just burn that videoke machine down so you can think clearly. I simply can't focus. This is maddening.Now, I am forced to flee to a more suitable place to study. I am going to Mini Stop just a few blocks away to escape this. Maybe there I'll be able to finish my homework. As I have unsurmountable amount of homework which by the way involve statistics. If I were a genius then I won't have to burn all those neurons just to do this but nature has not been kind to me. I have to put extra effort to get through all these exercises. Yes I am not a number person and the only way to keep up with my major subject's demands is to really focus, focus and may I say focus. This is really killing me.

I've just consoled myself that only three more semesters and goodbye to all papers and reports. The bigger world is waiting for me. For the meantime, I need to go take a bath, eat a very late lunch and flee from the world of the noise-polluted house.

MOVIE REVIEW | Wika Ko sa Pelikulang Koreyano: Isang Pagtalakay sa Kung Paano Nakakaapekto ang Pagsasalin ng Wika sa Pelikulang My Sassy Girl



Hindi maikakailang naging bahagi na ng buhay ng mga Pilipino ang panonood ng pelikula. Ang pelikula ang isa sa mga libangan ng mga Pilipino na hindi pwedeng mawala sa atin. Sa katunayan, malaki ang naging gampanin ng pelikula sa ating kultura. Dito sa mga pelikulang ito naipapakita ang mga nangyayari sa ating lipunan. Hindi ba’t panahon pa lamang ng mga Amerikano ay nagsimula ng tangkilikin ng mga Pinoy ang mga pelikulang noo’y sa sinehan lamang ipinapalabas. Ang mga hinangaang artista noon ay pawang mestizo at mestiza na patunay sa hilig ng mga Pilipino sa kagandahang may bahid banyaga. Hanggang sa ngayon naman ay patuloy pa rin ang ganitong sistema. Mas nabibigyan ng pagkakataon ang mga artistang may ibang lahi at ang pisikal na anyo ay yaong hindi talagang Pilipino, kung hindi nakasunod sa mga artista sa ibang bansa gaya ng Amerika. Hindi na siguro natin ito maiaalis sa atin. Matapos ang ilan daang taong pagkaka-ilalim sa mga banyaga ay nagkaroon na tayo ng mababang pagtingin sa sarili nating uri.

The Same Ol' Sunday

Well, what should I expect from this Sunday?

The neighbors as ever are belting it out as they sing from that stupid videoke at the middle of the day like they are the only ones living in the neighborhood. I just hate it. It would have been useful if they have been a liitle more considerate. Oh boy, now I can't study. With all these noise. It makes me so irritated and vexed. I'm so fed with all this crappiness. I hate it. I simply hate neighbors singing. I wish they would shut up the !@#$ up!

I am not usually like this. Ranting like crazy but I just can't help it. If you were in my position, I bet you would wish you can just burn that videoke machine down so you can think clearly. I simply can't focus. This is maddening.Now, I am forced to flee to a more suitable place to study. I am going to Mini Stop just a few blocks away to escape this. Maybe there I'll be able to finish my homework. As I have unsurmountable amount of homework which by the way involve statistics. If I were a genius then I won't have to burn all those neurons just to do this but nature has not been kind to me. I have to put extra effort to get through all these exercises. Yes I am not a number person and the only way to keep up with my major subject's demands is to really focus, focus and may I say focus. This is really killing me.

I've just consoled myself that only three more semesters and goodbye to all papers and reports. The bigger world is waiting for me. For the meantime, I need to go take a bath, eat a very late lunch and flee from the world of the noise-polluted house.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Science and Technology

Science and technology for nature
This is a rough essay on science and technology so I apologize if this isn’t very substantial.

Close your eyes. Imagine a world where people live in caves, a world where the only means of transportation is through bare feet; the only way of cooking is by roasting meat on fire; the only way of communicating is by yelling; the only design of clothings is sheets of tree barks. How do you reckon would it feel to be in this kind of situation? To be in a situation where science and technology have never evolved into what we are seeing in the present.

Within centuries, human aspirations to create comfort to living has brought upon all the discoveries that we are enjoying now. In different fields, we see how human life has become simple and this we owe to the brilliance of people who never got tired of exploring all the possibilities. We have moved from a metaphysical world, believing that life is a realm influenced by unknown forces, mythical forces, into one that is what we call more scientific, more realistic. Today we know that our world isn’t the center of the universe, but part of other extra-terrestrial planets that revolves around the sun; that cancer is not caused by spirits living inside the body but by cancer-agents penetrating human cells; that elements come in simple matters that become more complex as it becomes compounded and that there is no element that would cause eternal life much to the disappointment of alchemy. Today, we have discovered so many diffeferent things that in the past are truly unconceivable.

Beyond all these however is the, borrowing from Al Gore’s term, inconvenient truth that science and technology with all the advancement they have given to us, have their downside. Needless to say is the hot like pancake issue of global warming. Yes, it might sound passe being the talk of nations for the past decades but there is that undeniable truth that we have been taking for granted the condition of nature.

We are living in the sole planet which harbors life and it is so ironic that people, especially those with power not to mention intellect, have done nothing sufficient to alleviate the current problem of this planet. It is not surprising that a time will come when this only place we are temporarily inhabiting won’t be able to support life anymore. Everywhere you go is a picture of gross negligence towards nature. Take China for example. The largest country in the world, with the largest population has been polluting the environment for the longest time. Suprisingly, China doesn’t come at the top, it only comes second to the United States which is the same country that didn’t sign the Kyoto Protocol to lessen the carbon dioxide emission in the atmosphere. Carbon dioxide is responsible for the global warming we are experiencing. These two countries already comprise nearly half of the pollution in the world and to think that there are hundreds of other countries, won’t that be unbearable enough? The horrors of our development.

If there is such a thing as sustainable development then it should be promoted and promulgated but in reality this is not what we get. Aside from the issue of global warming are also the issue of mass extinction due to the excessive exploitation of natural resources. Animals are fast disappearing because their homes are being claimed by big companies whose only goal is to earn. The growth of population also threatens the environment because consumption drives the capitalistic economy to produce more products and because of this, a vicious linear pattern of resource consumption happens. Take note, some resources are limited and cannot grow again. Logically, there will come a time when there won’t be left for the future generations which is really sad. The period of the dinosaurs had long passed but if this apathy and irresponsibility of people continue then it won’t be long that human civilizations would also be memories of a distant past only seen in books and museums.

How heartbreaking it is to know that despite all the advantages of science and technology is the fact that disadvantages come in hand. Sometimes it feels like disadvantage weighs more than the other. But it is not late. So long as there are genuinely good people who think of ways to change all the dreadful things in the environment then there is still a spark of hope.

Now open your eyes. See the world around. Have things become better or worse? A question which only you can answer.

I believe

l Believe(엽기적인 그녀 OST)
신승훈
I Believe 그댄 곁에 없지만
이대로 이별은 아니겠죠
I Believe 나에게 오는 길은
조금멀리 돌아올 뿐 이겠죠
모두 지나간 그 기억속에서 내가 나를 아프게하며
눈물을 만들죠
*나만큼 울지 않기를 그대만은 눈물없이
날 편하게 떠나주기를
언젠가 다시 돌아올 그대라는 걸 알기에
난 믿고 있기에
기다릴께요 난 그대여야만 하죠
I Believe 내가 아파할까봐
그대는 울지도 못했겠죠
I Believe 흐르는 내 눈물이 그댈 다시 내게 돌려주겠죠
자꾸 멈추는 내 눈길속에서
그대 모습들이 떠올라 눈물을 만들죠
* 나만큼 울지 않기를 그대만은 눈물없이
날 편하게 떠나주기를
언젠가 다시 돌아올 그대라는 걸 알기에
난 믿고 있기에
기다릴께요 난 그대여야만 하죠
나 그댈알기 전 이세상도
이렇게 눈부셨는지
그 하늘 아래서 이젠 눈물로 남겨졌지만
이자릴 난 지킬께요
그대란 이유만으로 나에게는
기다림조차 충분히 행복하겠죠
사랑한 이유만으로 또하루가 지나가고
오는길 잊어도 기다릴께요
난 그대여야만 하죠 난그대여야만 하죠

Slang

I wish I could work 24/7 but my bodu just couldn't stand it. Last night I pulled
an all-nighter to finish a paper. Yes I finished one but failed to do the other
one. I know sometimes I'm such an airhead feeling like I can do everything and
ace 'em but sometimes I am all ears to my professors as I wouldn't want to miss
anything from their class.

I bet the driver had ants in his pants when he slammed to that car. Who wouldn't?
At that kind of situation, he might be at the end of his rope. No money to pay the driver of the broken car.
I went to the library, tried to look like an average Joe.
While walking, a classmate told me of a reporting. Wanted to put it on the back burner but it's up this monday.




Monday, September 8, 2008

MOVIE REVIEW | My Sassy Girl (Tagalog Script)


After an arduous task of transcribing the entire movie which took me for about three days, sacrificing too many classes, here it is, the Tagalog script of MY SASSY GIRL. To all you people out there, who would be using this, please never forget to cite my name. A little acknowledgment is all I ask. That's all. No copyright reserved. I don't own the creative idea behind the script.



Saturday, September 6, 2008

TRAVEL | Touring Manila with My Student


My Korean student learning English with me. It has been years since.


Touring the city with my little friend

Teacher duties dictate that I show my student around Manila for a more personal experience while staying in the Philippines. Of course, I am always happy to keep my students some company.

First stop: National Museum
By calesa: Intramuros
Taxi driver says add 20 I say 10: Mall of Asia

Really frustrating: Dampa sa Farmers
I was expecting that this place would be some kind of a fancy/classy resto but turns out to be a cheap canteen. I'm so disappointed.



Thursday, September 4, 2008

Reports

I just finished two reports today or should I say bombed two reports, skipped an important class too. I don't know what's the matter with me. I didn't sleep the whole night just to finish a stupid report I'm paranoid I might be charged with plagiarism though I never really intended to steal somebody else's work. I just didn't have the luxury of time to see whether I have violated some pedantic rules of using sources. I don't know what to do anymolre except sleep . I'm so spent. Today is Thursday and one more day before weekend comes.

I can't sleep again tonight because I need to finish one last major paper for this week. Failure to do so would ruiin my entire future so I better start working.

The Best Korean Song

Lyrics by G-Dragon & Perry
Produced by G-Dragon
Arranged by Brave Brothers

Lyric Credit: YG Bounce

[Verse 1]

(거짓말) 늦은 밤 비가 내려와 널 데려와 젖은 기억끝에 뒤척여 나
너 없이 잘 살 수 있다고 다짐 해봐도 어쩔수 없다고
못하는 술도 마시고 속타는 맘 밤새 채워봐도
싫어 너 없는 하루는 길어 빌어 제발 잊게 해달라고
너 없는 내겐 웃음이 보이지 않아
눈물조차 고이지 않아
더는 살고 싶지 않아
엿같애 열받게 니 생각에 돌아버릴것 같애
보고 싶은데 볼 수가 없대 모두 끝났대 I’ll be right there

[Hook]
I’m so sorry girl I love you, I just can’t lie
Oh I was so wrong, I can’t live without’cha
(Please listen to me!)
I’m so sorry girl I love you now I realize
Shoulda never let’cha go away - cuz now my life don’t seem right
I’m so sorry girl I love you, I just can’t lie
I’m so sorry… girl I love you…
I’m so sorry girl I love you now I see my…
thinkin’ was all a big mistake, it makes me cry to this day


[Verse 2]
그댈 위 해서 불러왔던 내 모든 걸 다 바친 노래 (사람들은 모르겠죠)
난 혼자 그 아무도 몰래 그래 내가 했던 말은 거짓말
홀로 남겨진 외톨이 그 속에 헤메는 내 꼴이
주머니 속에 꼬깃 꼬깃 접어둔 이별을 향한 쯕지
(넌 어딨나요 널 부르는 습관도)
난 달라질래 이젠 다 웃어 넘길게

[Hook]

[Bridge]
Tell me it’s all in my head
I try with every single beat of my heart
No matter what my mind recalls
I see your face ‘n I know, that’chu will always be there
Just wanna know how ya doin’ these days
Didn’t mean, to cause you any pain
I’m so deeply sorry

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