Thursday, May 28, 2009

Ending Internship

After a long hiatus... but actually it wasn't a hiatus but a forced disappearance. Due to my unexpected schedule at Citibank, my life suddenly revolved around my company. It seems that 24 hours is not enough anymore and weekends made me feel like it was the best days in my life. 

Now that I am ending this internship, there are so many things that I really want to jot down. Thoughts that have accumulated inside me but due to lack of time just remained inside waiting to be released. I missed this sublimation. I missed writing the things that bother me that when I write them down suddenly dawns on me the solutions to these pet peeves. 

And since this is not my avenue for my CORPORATE rendezvous, I will refrain from disclosing anything about my company. I think what happens in the company should remain there. This week, I am just too glad that soon my life is going to be normal again. But you know, okay please I can't get away with my internship experience. It's just that you know how stressful it can be when you work in a big company. 

I dream big. I dream that I am in this company but I was really disillusioned (as what my friend told me when I was having coffee with her) about the harsh realities that with joy comes pain. You want to be somebody then you just have to work hard for it. No other way. Yeah that's reality. It bites. Now, my mind is still blown (in Filipino, "sabog").

Just can't focus and the only thing that keeps me going now is the thought that tomorrow is the last day of my internship. Well yeah, I will miss most of the things in that building. A lot really happened and I really want to write all them when I have enough time. In the meantime, back to reality. I want to watch "Kinatay" of Brillante Mendoza. Imagine, he won at the Cannes Film Festival. Hmmm, that really makes me want to see all his films. 

I am now Jessica Zafra in the making. Writing incoherent things. Ah, maybe if you open my mind now you'll find a jungle there. Then how are my neurons doing. I bet they've been bumping into each other more than the usual.

The End

It seems like we've only started.
But now here we are at the end of the cross croads.
We don't have to wake up early in the morning anymore.
No taxis.
No elevator.
No corporate attire.
No shoes to scar my heel.
No glass doors.
No desk with tons of work.
MOST especially, no more supervisors.

I love this part of internship.
Perhaps the best one.
Wohooo!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Randomness

Today, Mam Peewee was still out.
Had to work for the lamp post banners again.
Feels like there's no end toiling when I'm there.
Tomorrow I'm sure heaven and earth will collide.
I'm now preparing myself.

Gary just keeps on touching me.
I just so hate it.
I am so irritated when someone insensitive like him would bother me.
Ends up staying at the office longer.

The people who are supposed to sign some papers couldn't be found either.
It's either they are in a meeting ot simply out.

The office has a distinctive smell.
Like the scent of pizza in an airconditioned building.

Oh and I got my ID today.
Only, it wasn't what I was expecting.
A cheap temporary ID when they could have provided us something more.
I am getting disappointed by the day.
Not only my time gets wasted but I don't grow as well as a researcher.
Of course I am not including this in my journal.
But when I think about how layouting some posters, counting some orders and making some powerpoint presentations can be counted as research simply baffles me.
So unfortunate to end up like this.

I was in the tricycle and I was asking myself- "too much stress for this? not worth it"

Speaking of tricycle, I was on my way to my part time job when I uconsciously talked to the driver-

"Citibank po!"

Guess this is what happens when you get too involved with your work.
It's not deliberate but I don't have any choice.
Right now what is comforting me is the thought that after this internship, I can finally open mu BPI passbook account. Start saving for my future, buy a car and a house.

I'm planning to travel too.
Maybe in Europe, perhaps London.
I had a dream that I was in London.
Riding the train, and I left my luggage in the train.
I was watching this soccer game on the outskirt of London so I had to go back to London.
There I met two Filipinos who owns a restauerant.

Could it be a sign that I might open a restaurant in London?
How I wish.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Unproductive

Today, Mam Peewee was absent.
Emergency leave coz according to her, zoie and and louize were feverish after an out of town trip during mothers' day. Wouldn't want to take chances.
To make the long story short, I was left to supervise everything.
And as I was fully loaded, work just kept coming like rain outside our building's window.
I felt so burdened and made me regret my decision to work here in this company.
I feel so useless and stupid, helpless amidst this hulabaloo.

There were just too many things to do on my desk and I felt so lost again.
I've mentioned to our layout artist, Gary, that I prefer Mam Peewee to be around, manning the work and telling me what have to be done than me doing all the decisions.
When are you new and all to this kind of job, there's just no telling when you're doing the job right. And to make the matter worse, you only have one body and one pair of hands to complete the day's tasks.

Now at the end of the day, there is nothing more disappointing than failing to meet what is expected of you. I was walking on the bridge when something inside wanted to cry. After all, I wasn't trained to be unproductive.

I am a very result driven person and if there's no result then am I still human?
The pressure and intimidation.
I am just thankful that though pressure has so deeply croached inside me,
my sickness has ebbed already.

The end of the day offers no relief for me.
It's become more of a torture thinking that the following day would come again.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Branch visit

This is it.

Just the opposite of what I have expected.

Visiting the Citi branches today really gave me a headache.

Imagine, I felt like I was some kind of an outlaw under the suspicions of all the Citi employees I met in my visit. Damn them all from the driver to the installers to the guards. Oh dear, holding on to my dear life.

Starting at the Alabang, things were turning out wrong.

1. The installers didn't come on time so I ended up not doing anything. I felt so helpless as I couldn't do anything. I always believe that there is a way and no matter what, under tough conditions, there is always a way out. But this time, I couldn't find anything.

2. Makati is already closed when I got there. It's this time that I learned that the installers went to Binondo first. Plain miscommunication.

Lesson learned- coordinate all the actions when in the field. Prepare everything from the permit to the materials to the list of contact people.

3. Sitting in the car, from Alabang to Makati I realized I wasn't wearing seatbelt when I found myself already in Pasig. I was in deep thought. Pomdering how inefficient I was today as I didn't accomplish much.

Lesson learned- accept my limitation. So, I need to contend with this fact. I can only do so much so I need to be realistic. Leave impressing to the fool ones. I have my hands full as of the moment.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Citi never sleeps

That is their motto.
And I can attest that they really live up to their motto.
Employees at Citi never sleeps.
If you want to work in this company then sleep is a luxury you have to learn live without.

I am still in the process of creating the journal entry which would remind me of all the things that happened to me in this company.
But because citi never sleeps, ergo I don't, I don't have enough time to chronicle the corporate world at Citi.

We are now down to half of our required internship hours and nothing more can make me happy than to finally wake up in the morning without having to use that elevator that makes me dizzy ever.

But for a time I've learned to accept the hardships at Citi.
I have realized that part of our training is to master the art of handling stress.
The huge data I've faced at my communication research subjects have only been so difficult to manage but now I think I have become stronger.

Today isn't as busy as it was yesterday Monday.
Perhaps this is because of Paolo's and Mattel's absence.
Liel was also missing.
I couldn't be happier.
Mam Peewee was the only one there but she doesn't give much work.
So I was able to organize my files.

I don't know if I have already written this but I appreciate the work at Citi.
It's funny. Just a week ago I was cursing this company but now I am starting to have an affection with it. It's just that this company is starting to grow on me.

Mam Peewee asked me to take pictures of the ground floor this morning.
When I took those photos and saw the little contribution we have done to this company, I felt happy and proud. After all, this is Citibank, an international company. All around the Philippines I can see the fruit of our labor, the banners and posters hanging on each of the bank's branches.

Last Saturday, I was walking at Malate when I saw Citibank Savings in Ermita.
From there I saw the banner hanging on the window of the branch.
It made me jump for joy.
It gave me that fulfillment, knowing that all that I did in that company paid off after all.
There was a result and that was the only thing that mattered.

Sunday, I was in Tomas Morato (I guess I have been crusing the metro more often than I should have) when I saw the Tomas Morato Citibank Savings. The feeling was the same when I saw the banners on the wall. Sheer happiness.

On my table are piles of papers waiting to be signed by my bosses.
There are people waiting for those papers and my failure to finish them means they might go hungry so I am ever more conscious of my responsibility.

There are still other people I meet at the office.
Interesting characters who are fit for analysis, looking at how a corporate culture works.

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