Monday, May 11, 2009

Unproductive

Today, Mam Peewee was absent.
Emergency leave coz according to her, zoie and and louize were feverish after an out of town trip during mothers' day. Wouldn't want to take chances.
To make the long story short, I was left to supervise everything.
And as I was fully loaded, work just kept coming like rain outside our building's window.
I felt so burdened and made me regret my decision to work here in this company.
I feel so useless and stupid, helpless amidst this hulabaloo.

There were just too many things to do on my desk and I felt so lost again.
I've mentioned to our layout artist, Gary, that I prefer Mam Peewee to be around, manning the work and telling me what have to be done than me doing all the decisions.
When are you new and all to this kind of job, there's just no telling when you're doing the job right. And to make the matter worse, you only have one body and one pair of hands to complete the day's tasks.

Now at the end of the day, there is nothing more disappointing than failing to meet what is expected of you. I was walking on the bridge when something inside wanted to cry. After all, I wasn't trained to be unproductive.

I am a very result driven person and if there's no result then am I still human?
The pressure and intimidation.
I am just thankful that though pressure has so deeply croached inside me,
my sickness has ebbed already.

The end of the day offers no relief for me.
It's become more of a torture thinking that the following day would come again.

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