Wednesday, June 3, 2009

JOURNAL | Can't start what have to be done

Reflection: After Citi 

Just last night, as I munch on my Nova in my bed, reading my latest edition of Korea Magazine, it suddenly hit me that I have so much time this week and that is something that I have to be thankful for. 

It's not everyday that I can just lie on my bed not caring about anything. But right after when I woke up in the morning, I kinda felt that emptiness. As if something has been detached from me and then there it was- I was actually missing Citibank. I asked myself why I had to quit working in this bank when I don't have much to do this week since regular classes are to start on the 9th. 

But then again, when I think about the pressure. When I think about Mattel, I quickly changed my mind. To me, the work there was excellent. The facilities, the quality of the people, the environment but the stress level is just too much to bear. I earn a meager 350 PhP a day but I can earn this money in Standbyenglish- less the pressure. Undeniably, I learned a few things in the bank. As I have observed before, emphasis on people is very important. After all, the people are the backbone of the company and if you don't take care of the people then there is that high risk of jeopardizing the quality of the company. Thus I am applying now this lesson in SBE. I am trying my best to make my team members feel that they are valued here in this company. 

As Teacher Helen once put it, this company provides for our needs so we must take care of it as much as the company should take care of us. 

Weekend escape 

Right after my internship, I really made sure to return home and re-energize. I am starting to get short of money. I don't know if this is just the effect of global recession or my internship has seriously affected my finances. But as I have updated my account standing, I am to receive quite an amount within this month but I just have to be really prudent in my expenses. So back home, I spent it with my mother and her fellow teachers in Zaballero. We went to Lucban's Kamay ni Hesus, where I climbed carrying my mom's new digicam. Reaching the top really got me exhausted but the way down proved to be more challenging. But I just want to comment on the people inside the church. They are simply annoying shooing those who wanted to enter as if the place is something holy. 

I acknowledge the fact that it is a church but what right have they to just shove us away. That really pissed me I decided not to attend the mass. Folk catholicism. 

After the escapade in Lucban, off we went to Palaisdaan. Had a hearty seafood lunch in the place where we used to go to on special occasions. The place is very different now. 

I had good memories of Palaisdaan. When I was younger, me mom and dad usually go there during their anniversaries. Of course I didn't know it was their anniversary and the only thing that mattered to me those days were the sumptous food. But they've renovated the place and I cannot feel the old feelings anymore. People change so as places. 

Leaving home 

As I leave home, my heart was just so heavy I cannot look at my father's face. Me dad brought me to the terminal and as I aboard the bus, he hugged and I was a kid again with that separation anxiety. I've always had this anxiety it made me really afraid to be attached to anybody else. Maybe that's why I am such a cynic when it comes to relationship. 

Would have, might have 

Sleeping in the bus, I felt so lonely. I just wished someone would sit beside me and start talking to me. I was never the type who would initiate a small talk to a stranger but once I was engaged I gladly jump in. So there I was half hoping there would be someone. Then this cute guy, who I am sure is younger than I am suddenly came. I kept glancing at the window and as I am beside the window, I know he steals glances at me too. So I wanted to talk to him. Just chat perhaps without any topic in mind. But we just kept that way. He glancing at the window and me, and I expecting and waiting. But nothing happened. When we reached Turbina, he got off. He never looked back and I just let him vanish in the sea of people.

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