Sunday, November 8, 2009
JOURNAL | For The Better Me
Met my high school friends, Algreen and Kathrina, today. As usual, I was late again by almost an hour. We were supposed to meet at 3pm but I arrived at 4pm. Well, so much for trying so hard to make it on time. The thing is, I think I had an insomnia attack last night. It was already morning when I felt sleepiness settle in. I woke up at the usual time, 1pm, got up after half an hour, had lunch and took a bath. When I finished everything it was already 3pm. I texted Kathrina hoping she’ll be late, but damn, she was already there waiting for me.
I just don’t get it. An hour is simply not enough for me? I think, I need to reconsider things and give myself a couple of hours to prepare if I have some appointments. I was telling myself on the way to Gateway that if this was a meeting with some important client, then I am so fucked up. I won’t have any career in the future. Two hours, that will be my mantra for the rest of the year. Talk about not being late.
I am teaching Kathrina Korean and I am not just doing this for the money. Actually, this is my way of not forgetting the language too. I am not that well conversed in Korean but I do no know the basics so I have the confidence to share it to somebody else. The problem is that I do not know if I am an effective teacher or not. I am trying to be a good one. Next month, Kathrina will be in Korea and I am really hoping that she’ll be able to read and write Korean before she leaves. But at this rate, when she can’t even memorize things and read and write then I am getting worried. She does however recognize Korean characters at a very slow pace.
I try to think about the time when I was starting to learn Korean in Hallym. Was I like Kathrina? Did I take writing for granted? Well, honestly I didn’t give much attention to Korean because I felt so bored studying the language. What I wanted was action and that I found with my Korean friends. They taught me important words that up to now I can’t forget. If that’s the case, then Kathrina should be learning just the important words she’ll be needing in most normal Korean conversations.
What to do now? Wheels are now turning in my head and I am thinking of using Korean dialogues. But isn’t that what we’re doing? Fact of the matter is that even if I try to make things as much normal as I can, Kathrina can’t still read and write that well. The vocabulary is still very limited so chances are, normal Korean dialogues won’t be effective.
How about giving just words? But that would defeat the purpose of making her learn the structure of the sentences. If we only focus on words then that will be useless too since we do not have the luxury of time. This is really not the time for kindergarten and prep type of lessons. I am competing with time and we need to move on the double. The only way for Kathrina to learn Korean is to memorize as much as she can and that’s what we can do for now.
Drinking no more
My friends told me that I should get a hold of myself when drinking. I was really bothered when they told me that there was a big probability that I have galas, a Filipino term for someone who cannot control himself and makes scene. For the last few months I have been observing myself and I am trying to decide whether I am indeed afflicted with this illness so to speak. It is true that I lose control when I get drunk and I feel like having a good time and making people have a good time too that’s why I try to make the event ecstatic so no one will be left out. But I realize that this become deterrent to my character and instead of making people happy, I have made myself a complete fool who loses people’s respect, with what little they have of me. So for my own good, I guess I should stop getting too drunk. If I’m going to drink then I should not drink too much that I’ll lose control already. It is not acceptable to go beyond social limitations. I should not make a scene and that’s all I need to do.
I have written earlier that there is a way to control the human brain. I guess this is the time to do that. It is time to realize that I am not the person who made those foolish acts in the past. Nobody went to those bars and kissed some random people. Nobody danced the hula danced and those never existed. I was sleeping in my room during those days.
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