Monday, February 15, 2010
My Funny Valentines
My post Valentine entry.
It’s not exactly the kind of funny you’ll end up laughing but I must say that I had quite a nice Valentines despite the bitter feeling I have toward this occasion.
Today I met some of my good friends and ate at an Italian restaurant somewhere in Tomas Morato (a review of the restaurant can be found in this blog also). I got at the restaurant quite early and as expected there were many people there celebrating hearts’ day. I just hate seeing all those hearts and flowers. It makes me sick to think people cling to each other to find happiness. Can’t we be happy alone? Who ever said you can’t be happy with yourself? This flower giving custom really makes me sick and the more I think about it, the more I despise the idea.
I asked my friend if she was not coveting other girls receiving those roses and she said she just had to get used to the idea of not expecting any. It was sad for her but I guess that is more practical and convenient than ride the bandwagon and receive those poor flowers being picked up for what? After three days they’ll just going to wilt and die. Waste of money if you ask me. That much money could have been placed into something more worthwhile.
However, as I ponder about this situation inside the jeepney on my way home, I felt the need to be loved also and I wanted, yes I admit, I wanted somebody to love. But what makes this situation difficult is that I am bound to the world and not to a single person. Meaning, it is difficult for me to commit because I want to experience the world and I know I just can’t do that if I’m in a relationship so I opted to be single, maybe all my life. I don’t know. I told my friends that the idea of being alone is dreadful but I guess there are just people like me destined to be alone. I want success and with that comes some sacrifice. I don’t really have to find somebody to be fully happy, after all there are my friends and family whom I can turn to just like today, when I feel down and blue.
I did not go to church today, but I think God has ways of reminding me of His presence.
Call on Him all the Time
I was just talking to my friend about my future plans of applying in big hotels to work as a receptionist or be a flight attendant, but my friend reminded me that it is really not up to us to choose. Yes we choose our path but it is still God who’ll decide what’s best for us, so I realized that I need to call on to Him to guide through this career path. Actually I have man plans to achieve in the future. For one, I want to go back to Korea and study again. If that doesn’t happen, then I’ll just have to work hard and start my own business. What business I still don’t know, but I feel that I will be putting up one business in the near future. Of course, God will tell me what to do. I just have to be watchful of the signs.
Do Not Expect Anything
As I have mentioned, my friend made me realize that we must be used to some things which are quite far-fetched and that would make our life easier. My friend of course can receive flowers from someone special but the chances are slim so to speak. I’ve also lived by this principle, as I try to be self-sufficient than expect anything from people. Experience taught me that people are bound to fail, and they will fail on you not because they want to, but because we are just human beings. Our capacity is limited, and that what makes expectation futile. Of course this is no reason to justify failure. I am always with the impression that I have the responsibility to go beyond this human limitation, so I try to lessen expectations and give more than 100% of my effort. This way, I become better as a person.
My friends mentioned that I looked lousy in the past but have improved now. I intend to keep this improvement and perhaps go to the next level so I’ll really try to work on my fashion sense and be conscious of my appearance. I am really trying though to look good but as it is not in my nature to be vain, though I keep trying I keep on forgetting that I must look good. There are times that I have some unbecoming gestures and habits that compromises my physical appearance. For example, I have this habit of jumping for no reason, I just feel jumpy but that makes me look so stupid and immature. I also have this habit of raising my feet on the chair as if I was just at home (I think I feel to homely anywhere). When eating, also I am very careless I usually stain my shirt (yeah just like the spaghetti on my new long sleeves). Another would be the unnecessary hand movements which makes me look so unsophisticated. Actually, as I think about them, there are too many things that make me look so uncivilized but this is what makes me- me. Funny, but I am trying to change for the better and to achieve that then I just have to forget who I am, I was.
Sad to be Alone, But Saves me Headache from Romance’s Rollercoaster Ride
Okay, this last point is specially dedicated to you- Valentines. Yes, I am looking at you Valentines straight in the eye. I swear, next year I am not going to let you in my system again. You have succeeded from making me feel miserable this time of the year but I am going to show that happiness is not found in other people’s arms. I am happy as I am, and I will always be. Don’t you ever make me feel this way again because I will never forgive myself. Next year, I will be a better and stronger person with no hang-ups in life. A self-composed man, clear of his future and goals in life. You came unexpectedly this year, at a time when I long for some affection. Who I am kidding, you made me feel this way. But you are already over, and I am ready to face a wonderful day again. Nex year, I won’t get affected by those flowers and hearts sold everywhere. You’ll just be a figment of imagination for me (to think that Frank Sinatra is singing ‘It Had to be You’ in the background).
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