Monday, April 26, 2010

What to do?


Finally, I can call myself a proud graduate of UP. I should be celebrating but things just don't give me reason to do just that. Being a graduate me realize that since I don't have any reason to not be professional then I am expected to act accordingly and meet all my deadlines in my work. No more 'I'm-studying-so-spare-me' excuses and that's something I have been so used to for years. And now that I am a graduate, what to do? So confusing.


Friday, April 16, 2010

Better days


It's 1am but I just couldn't find it in my heart to sleep, perhaps worried that I may not do whatever it is that I feel like doing tonight. There's really nothing to do (unlike those days when I had to burn the midnight oil), except listen to some soft music on jango.com.

Nights like this makes me feel so blue. It seems that things are just not going my way and I truly feel depressed about it. I'm 24, broke, and doesn't see any potential success in the future. I feel such a loser, I am not a Cum Laude when I know very well that I deserve it. I felt like I failed myself. I felt like I fell short from objective and this really makes me down. I am such a nobody.

How I wish things were different. Would everything be okay then? I don't know. Maybe. But what I do know is that this condition makes me feel tired already, constantly battling to get out of that rut. If only there's a way out but right now, I don't know what can save me from the nothing I've become (sounds like the familiar song). But that is how I feel now.

What have I got for my future objective? Well, I just want to travel the world. I want to see what lies beyond these familiar grounds, familiar people. I want to be somewhere else and learn the ways of the world, to be an explorer. This is what I really want. But life can only be so perfect, and I hate to think of it that way. What can I do, this is how I really am? 

My eyes are seriously feeling tired and sleepy now but still my brain wants to watch the night. I'll be fine, I just need to rest I think. Tomorrow will be a better day.


Monday, April 5, 2010

UP Memory 3: Don Antonio House


The first few days in UP were difficult for me. I had a difficult time meeting new friends plus the fact that my house is two hours away from the school. In fact, I had to get up at 4am and leave at 4:30am just to make it on time to my first class in the morning. I still remember how dark it was still everytime I leave my house. I walk down the lane to the jeepney area, passing by the maggot infested heap of garbage. It was all too deplorable for me, sometimes I doubt whether my decision was good or not.

The travel from Don Antonio takes 30 minutes to get to Guadalupe. During these days, it was rainy season so I had to contend with the fact that rain and wind are two things that should not make my day horrible, in other words, I usually get soaked in rain. From Guadalupe, I opt to take the morning buses though I can take the train. I feel so lazy in the morning to climb the high stairs of the train station I just opt to take the bus, besides bus is more convenient since I only have to ride for one time. The buses stops at Philcoa, where I can take UP Ikot.

Going back home is another story. After classes, I quickly hop on to the first jeepney so I can go back early. I normally feel asleep in the bus, and when I get into the jeepney, I had to squeeze in with the other passengers and finally take the tricycle. When I arrive at my house, I feel so spent I couldn't much except to sleep.

What makes things worse in that house is that there are not many food stores, so I had to deal with the least appetizing food in the place. The food in the stores there are always oily, and I swear if I didn't leave the place, I'll die young. It's either I'll die because of cholesterol or somebody will break in the house and kill me. That house can be easily open mind you.

This house that I'm talking about is owned by my uncle, who decided to let me stay there for a while. Thinking that they can save money, my parents decided to let me stay there though they knew it was all too far from my school. I really don't understand what kind of logic my parents have for letting me live there.



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