Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I tend to dwell on the past, and whenever I try to write something I always find myself introspecting. Perhaps this is a manifestation of the suppressed identity inside me, the one who longs to be in the world; the one who wants to enjoy all that life has to offer. But it is exactly for these reasons that the person inside me just can't go out (or at least wouldn't come out) simply because it is too hedonistic, only seeking pleasure while the "real" me is working hard to make both ends meet. Freud talked of the three personalities in humans- the id, ego and superego. I can't be certain but what I do know is that one is oriented towards pleasure, the other on morality. I am now partial to the moral side because I know it is essential to my survival. Anyhow, the point is that I need to let go of this kind of writing and start observing what is happening around me. I get too absorbed in myself I feel like it's not healthy anymore. Okay, so maybe not too much about me. Maybe 25% would be acceptable and then the rest would be about other people (but why would I be too concerned about people I don't know?). As I ponder about this question, the only answer I can think of is because they affect me and their experience might easily become one of my own, so I would rather be prepared in case those instances occurred. This way of writing is truly a challenge for me because it is just not a part of my nature to bother with other people's lives. I admire Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City for coming up with such brilliant observations mixed with questions which are, well, so trivial yet important. I want to practice that kind of writing and maybe this blog won't have to be always about me. Anyhow, I think (there you go again- "I") this would be enough for now. I am also keeping a written journal to keep my sanity and keep track of what's going in my life and just yesterday I decided that I will try to write to my future self. Amidst all these, I wonder what my future me would think of this.. will he laugh and think of me silly or would he be in awe realizing how smart this kind of documentation had been. I just hope that things be okay in the next few days. I feel so tired thinking about the future. Guess I am afraid what can possibly happen to me. I feel like a lone soul in a secluded island, and whatever I do totally depends on me. Nobody to hang on, so I should always try to keep my calm and think of the best decisions in life. (This is what I call introspection, and if you look at most of journal entries you'll see that they are also mostly about my inner self.)

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