Friday, October 31, 2014

WRITE UP | Language Barrier... and the Funny Side Of It All

Funny Conversations

English is a universal language, and although there are existing grammatical rules; the language is still modified depending on which culture English is used. I'm no nazi when it comes to grammar, and I embrace the fact that people have the right to express however and whatever they feel in the closest words they can think of. The only thing is, it sometimes become funny, but hey I'm not complaining.


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All at the Same Time

The past, present and future all walked into a bar at the same time.
It was tense.

Haircut

Girl 1 : I cuted my hair today?
Girl 2 : Did you mean you "cut" your hair today?
Girl 1 : No it was past tents.

Adorable

Text message sent by a flirting girl-
Girl 1 : Your adorable.
Guy 1 : No, you're adorable.
Girl 1 : Aww, that's sweet.

Now the girl thought the guy likes him when he's only correcting her grammar.


The Take Away

Talking to an Egyptian waiter. I asked if he can put my food in a container so I can take it home...
Me : Can you take out my food, I'm in a hurry...
Waiter : What?
Me : Take out... 
Waiter : I don't understand...
Me : (Brain re-wires) I mean take away!
Waiter : Ok.

(Sometimes I still forget that I am not in the Philippines)

Did you walk?

Two students chatting in class-
Student 1 : How did you go to the next class? Did you walk or did you ride?
Student 2 : Of course did you ride.

What's your favorite food?

Was talking to my Korean student and asked him, "What's your favorite food?" He replied, "Chicken." I asked again, "What else?" After a long pause, he quipped "Teacher, I also like chicken wings!"

Slow Internet

While teaching English to my Korean student, the student interrupted-
"Slowly teacher, my my brain is buffering. The Internet is suffering!"

Phone Mishaps 1

So busy working on something at the office when the phone rang. My colleague picked it up and probably because of over thinking she greeted, "Hello, can you help me?"

Phone Mishaps 2

Someone called an office and this is how the line was answered-
"Hello, can you hang yourself for a while, I'm on the line"

Asking for a Wifi Booster

At a computer shop, I wanted to buy a wifi booster-
Me: Do you have this wifi booster, you know the thing that you connect at the back of the modem...
Salesman: NO
Me: (With all the hand gestures) It's like an antenna, a stick, a rod, (for a loss of a better word)- a satellite
Salesman: NO
Me: (Frustrated) Modem? Router?
Salesman: NO
Me: (Give up) Okay forget it.
Salesman: You talking about a TV?

Yes and No

Talking to a supplier-
Me : The room is not available?
Hotel : Yes
Me : So, is the room available?
Hotel : Yes
Me : Is that a yes or a no?
Hotel : Yes

Directions

While a friend was asking for direction
Friend : Could you tell me where this building is?
Bystander : Just go straight, straight... and sometimes left.

Mis-pronunciations

In Saudi, a colleague was making an inventory of computer stock, when he asked another staff, "(Referring to computers) Don't we have a dual boat? (should be, boot)

Still in Saudi, another colleague was talking about astral projection when he exclaimed, "I think I'm just having some associanation (should be, hallucination)

Funny Signs

Driving along the coastal region of Oman, we passed by this butcher's shop and the sign reads- "Sale of Murdered Chicken". (Poor chicken, tsk tsk tsk...)

Even at Death

In an email to one of my colleagues, a client wrote- "Today our manager has expired. But what to do, that's life!" (Okay, so we just move on.)

Restaurant Encounters

In Cambodia, without looking at the menu, I ordered from the waiter- "Can I have one Avocado juice please." When he came back, he gave me a black coffee, and I was like "what's that?" The waiter was surprised. Turns out that there's a coffee in Cambodia named "affugado"

And of course the funny Filipino expressions

"Ben, eat your hat out"
"All in a sudden"
"When it rains, it's four"
"Thanks God"
"Are you joking my leg"
"It's not my problem anymore, its yours anymore"
"Well, well, well. Look do we have here"
"For all intense and purposes"
"Sorry, we can't serve you bananas. Our bananas ran away"
"Base to base casis"
"Hello Mcdo... How much is a kidney meal?"
"But sooner and later"


It's even funnier when some foreign words are translated into English using online translators. And I must say that I don't really trust online translators because translations require understanding of the cultural essence of words. So, although online translators can give the general idea of a foreign statement, it does not really give a complete accurate meaning.

There is a brand new online translation services called Smartling that facilitates human translation and I quote, returns translated content to you quickly and easily. For more information, you may visit - http://www.smartling.com/product

For the meantime, enjoy the dynamic nature of English and have fun with it. We only live once, so better not take life too seriously. Have some laugh, it will do you some good. Cheers.





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